my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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