also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
