Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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