Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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