I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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