I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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