I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize