The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
