My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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