You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well most of my day revolves around power hour
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
