Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
