i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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