she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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