I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im holly from the hills drunk
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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