I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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