ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
