So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
