i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
