They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
