Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
