i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
