Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
