I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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