Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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