Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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