She said her name was "party"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
