the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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