it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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