I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
