In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
