when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
