Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry KITTYLICKNGOOD hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(714): View more from California

I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

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(415): View more from California

i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out

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(309): View more from Illinois

stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.

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(319): View more from Iowa

we live vicariously through your huge boobs

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