I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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