Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
