marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My dick has a subreddit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
