well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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