Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
