You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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