I smell stomach acid.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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