Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
