matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
