I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
