It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
