I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
do nipples grow back?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
