It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
