I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
