My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
