Swine flu is the new snow day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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