i permit you to call me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
