at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
