He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
