oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
