Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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