Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
