It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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