I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
