So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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