I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
