there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
