They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
