Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
