Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
