Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
