remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
