So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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