Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
