Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
