You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
