On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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