So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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