Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The uberlube is also flammable
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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