Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
