I wanna passion pit in your ass
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize