Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
