why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize