Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
