I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
