U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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