i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
