You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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