i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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