So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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