just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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