dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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