he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have already put on my inside pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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