i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
