so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
