he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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