dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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