I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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