I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
