As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
