none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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