Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
