When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
