operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
